“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

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All I want is the wind in my hair. To face the fear but not feel scared.

So I randomly stumbled upon the little speech I wrote for our Youth Group in grade 12, where every week someone was chosen to give a “talk.” (Yes, when I have assignments due I tend to get distracted by looking at old pictures/documents). It’s sad that what I talked about then still applies to me now, even after 4 years. Maybe I should take my grade 12 self’s advice… but obviously it’s not that easy.

Fear

A lot of the talks people have already given, had a lot to do with something that just recently happened to them, or something that meant a lot to them. I always got scared when people joked around about how they would pick me to speak next for youth group. And my excuse was always that I wouldn’t know what to talk about, because nothing “inspired” me at the moment. But now that I think of it, I had no real excuse. I was just afraid. And being afraid has always been a major thing in my life, even though it didn’t hit me at first. And I’m sure that some of us here are controlled by fear, and don’t even know it.

Everyone has their own personal fears; whether it’s a fear of heights, fear of doorknobs, fear of failure, fear of commitment, or a fear of failing their parents or God. Regardless of the types and causes, people who are driven by fear often miss great opportunities because they are afraid to venture out. Instead, they play it safe, avoiding risks and hiding behind the walls they have built to protect them.

The song I’m going to play now, is called Wild Horses. This song talks mainly about her fear of commitment, but if you take out the lines talking about it, it can basically be applied to just fear in general.

That song was basically about this girl who compares her wish to love freely with how wild horses run free. I think my favourite part of this song is when she says “All I want is the wind in my hair. To face the fear but not feel scared.” I think a lot of us want that. We want to overcome the fear in our lives, yet we want to do it the easy way.

But fear isn’t always entirely bad. Fear can sometimes drive people to do better. For example, if someone is afraid of disappointing their parents, they do their best to study hard and get decent grades. But on the other hand, if they let that fear control them to the point that they are almost punishing themselves for every bad mark, fear isn’t a good idea.

And most of you that know me, I am terrified of public speaking. No matter how loud or stupid I can get in public places, I am terrified. And most of the times, I let it dominate me. Since elementary school, I always had an S or an N in class participation. Half the time, I knew the answers to the questions asked, and wanted to give my input into the class discussion, but I was always too afraid of making a mistake. Even now at grade 12, I still hesitate to raise my hand, even though I want so bad to say something. In turn, I miss the opportunity of not only getting the mark, but finally being heard.

There are so many things we want to do, but it’s always fear that stops us. We wish we can do things without thinking about the consequences, or thinking about what other people will think of us. And this is a really big issue, especially in high school. Coming into this big and new environment, all we wanted to do was fit in. We were afraid of being an outcast, so we took the easy way out: we styled our hair the same way as everyone else, wore brands names everyone else wore, and stayed within the lines of our “group.” We were afraid of people rejecting who we really were, so we built these walls to protect us.

Thankfully, with Youth Group, we’re taking a step away from that. We aren’t afraid to show that we have a relationship with God. Youth group is a great opportunity to meet new people and strengthen our relationship with God. If we let our fear of showing people our religious side drives our lives, then we wouldn’t even be here right now, singing and praying together. We wouldn’t be able to enjoy this opportunity. And I am glad that we all chose to be that wild horse.

Just as a last note: Be afraid. As weird as it sounds, be afraid. But don’t let that fear dominate you, and prevent you from missing out on some of the greatest things you could ever come to know or experience. And this is just something I came across on one of those chain e-mail things: As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt, because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Happy Holidays!

Oops! Sorry I’ve been MIA for most of my Xmas break… You’d think that I’d blog more when I’m NOT in school vs. when I’m IN school… mind you, school started back for me at 8:30 this morning – and here I am, right on cue! lol So much has happened during the break, so I thought I’d just do a quick little re-cap since I’m wayyy too lazy to go into detail 🙂

Mar’s “Madness” Photo-Essay Photoshoot

Bikini Bay Girls Christmas Dinner & Greedy Santa

The Green Scarf Brownies

Mar’s 21st Birthday at Cabana Nightclub

Christmas Dinner & Greedy Santa with Friends

Fam Jam New Year’s Eve Costume Party

Overall, even though it was crazy hectic for me most of the time, I really enjoyed this break! It was great seeing/catching up with friends and spending time with the familia. But now it’s back to reality 😦 eff school!

FYI: Leonard Nimoy was Spock on the original Star Trek series

Talking about Big Bang Theory today made me think of one of my favourite episodes – when Sheldon struggles to find Penny a Christmas gift. This is a video of all the Sheldon/Penny clips together. Enjoy! I ❤ Sheldon 🙂

PS. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders today after I handed in my last assignment of the semester. I just have one more exam next week, then I’m freeeeeee!

You da bomb.

So York has had TWO bomb threats on the school in a span of FIVE days. One on the Schulich School of Business and the other on one of the main/busiest buildings at York that are all attached (Vari Hall, Ross, Central Square, Curtis Lecture Halls, Scott Library). It’s sad that both were false alarms and probably just students desperate to get out of having to do their exams. Both days of the bomb threat I happened to be at school, and it was so inconvenient for everyone to have to be evacuated and search for their buses since everything was taped off. What happened to people just pulling the fire alarm? But then again, I was reading somewhere that in 2005 YorkU had to pay around $160,000 for responding to false alarms. Seriously?

Lesson to be learned: just study for your exams!

Ohayo Gozaimasu!

Ever since I jumped on the Twitter bandwagon, it’s been eating into my time for blogging lol. Last time I blogged I had pretty much just started my Reading Week, and now it’s pretty much done… What have I accomplished? I worked/tutored, caught up on all my TV shows (One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, The Big Bang Theory, The Hills, The Office, Dollhouse), watched 3 movies that I’ve been waiting to see for a while (The Ugly Truth, Definitely Maybe, The Devil Wears Prada), did some (unnecessary) shopping, watched All-In’s volleyball game, and had a lunch date with Mar at Tokyo Maki Sushi (which turned out to be really good!). Notice that I didn’t mention doing any actual “reading” LOL. Maybe I should get on that right now….. NOT.

Heck yes I speak gangsta!

The Imaginus poster people are back at my school again for this week! I’m always so excited when they come (that’s what she said) because I’ve bought AT LEAST 1 poster every year I’ve been at York, but this year I really shouldn’t be buying anymore posters (let alone I already have 5 super-huge ones filling up one wall in my room)! These are some of the posters I considered buying today or remembered were cool/funny… maybe I’ll just get a small one on Friday 🙂

School Schmool.

Boo… I can already sense that this is going to be such a hard and hectic year (duh! it’s my last year). School, work, tutoring, practicums, more volunteer work, applications… and that’s not including all the parties and outings I would much rather go to. Ugh, kill me 😦 But at least I have a little break during my random Reading Week in October? lol Reminds me of when I used to have Reading Week when everyone else was still in school… so pointless. lmao

On a better note, I DIED watching The Ellen Degeneres Show today. She gave the entire audience this work-out thing called Shake Weight that looks like it pretty much strengthens your arms to give out unlimited hand jobs LMAO. Watch to see what I mean 🙂

Hello – Goodbye.

Wow… I can’t believe Summer is officially over and everyone’s going back to school. Even though it wasn’t as eventful as we hoped it would be, we all still managed to have some good times whatever we did!
Goodbye, Summer… until next time ❤

Apparently, I need to work on my “eye fucking.”

A month left before school starts back, and I’m sitting at home alone on a Saturday night (not to mention I did the same thing on Friday night). What a waste! Tried to plan a night out to Body English on Friday with Kazel, but that flopped in our faces lol. Then hoped to go to Taste of the Danforth today, but that flopped too. Now I have to work Sunday when everyone else might be going to Taste of the Danforth. This weekend was FAIL!

However, I have to say that the past week was pretty good (although Mar’s presence was surely missed <3)! I watched All-In’s volleyball game on Tuesday and celebrated their win with Crabby Joes wings (more like celebrated Justine’s craving! lol). On Wednesday, a few of us went bowling for $1 (and enjoyed some $2.50 beer). I honestly thought I wasn’t too bad at bowling (I swear I won big at the bowling Youth Group trip in high school LOL), but after playing I guess I have to take it off the list of reject sports I’m somewhat good at (badminton and archery included). Or maybe I should just take note not to wear a dress to bowling ever again!

On another note, while both days were fun, they were also very confusing and disappointing in other ways. In relation to the name of this post, I feel like I’m in high school all over again. It’s been so long since I’ve played this game, that I don’t even know if I have it in me to play it well now. At this point, aren’t we supposed to be done playing games?

Thursday was my dad’s birthday, which we celebrated by going downtown to the ROM and Harbourfront. In the almost 20 years that we’ve been in Canada (yes, immigrants!), my parents have never been to either place. I swear they were like kids in a candy shop – my parents were oogling every display and reading every description. We also got to see the Dead Sea Scrolls, which are only there until January, so that was pretty cool too! We had lunch at Gabby’s Bar&Grill across the street, and our server was so sweet and hot with his strong British accent. Yum-O! Lastly, the weather was amazing so Harbourfront was a hit. It was a little too windy to wear a dress though, (again, another negative dress experience) but all in all we had a good time. We haven’t had this much family time together in a while, so I enjoyed it more than usual ❤

Here are a few pics from my dad’s birthday!